Waking up

Life is about itself. For some, life is about waking up. Waking up to what? To the fabric of reality. And what is the fabric of reality? It is better to figure it out for oneself than to ”know” a lot about it. For in order to find out, we need to go through a similar process – to become a Buddha, to unite with God, to  realise one’s true self, or whatever the different traditions call it – that they went through. We need to undertake the journey of our own path and explore what we take to be our reality in complete openness and honesty. On my own path, there are three dimension that are necessary to explore and cultivate that I wish to share.

Knowing oneself, or self-development, is the dimension of reality in which I come into complete understanding of the functioning of my own human being. As always, sincerity and earnestness are key. How willing am I to see my own human conditioning, my own attitudes, actions and words without filter, without hiding from the worst of them, without attempting to appear superior to what I am? Can I take complete responsibility for what I say and do without excuses? Can I express my needs rather than what I believe others do wrong? How honest can I be towards others? Can I see the beam in my own eye? This is a process of becoming less and less a hypocrite. The more I become aware of the fallible human in myself that always does his best (or does he?), yet always places himself above or below others, the more I see that others are just like me. And when I understand how others also struggle and hide and believe themselves so superior or so inferior, I can no longer hate them or myself anymore. And then my actions begin to shine from deep insight, from understanding and from compassion.

Devotion to something that is greater than me, whether the label is God, the higher self, the Universe, Life or Awakeness, undermines the ego. The undermining of the belief that I am this little human that needs to struggle to exist with and against other little humans comes about it many different ways. However, when there is a trust in the unfolding of things, that something holds us in Love whoever we are and whatever we do, that there is a greater meaning or a One that hides in the very fabric of our existense, only then can we begin to release control to life rather than struggling with an environment that rarely conforms to our preference. When we let go of the need for control, the addiction to seeing the world as ”mine,” something greater can begin to move in our very core.

Surrender is the very attitude that meets every situation as the only possible outcome. This is not something a person does (for that would belong to self-development), but a result of the wish inside that longs to free itself of the chokehold of the belief that I am a separate individual. Surrender is something that happens when there is no resistance to what is happening. It is the ground of one’s existence. Either I resist or grasp for something or that experience is not there. Surrender is the absence of the struggle that can arise with any experience that I crave for or try to avoid. I am surrendered to my own infallibility as a human and to that which is greater than that, the totality of all that lives and all that dies; All that arises and all that falls away. I know nothing other than this current experience, with this thought that passes through my head, these emotions washing through, the sensations in the body, the sounds, these words appearing on a screen within my vision, the fact that there is something conscious of all of this… This is all I know, this field in which everything is always in flux, yet the knowing of it always there, this experience. More than this I do not know, yet I give myself to it fully and unconditionally.

Your body is a divine stream,
as is your spirit.

When your two great rivers merge,
one voice is found
and the earth applauds
in excitement.

Shrines are erected to those songs
the hand and heart have sung
as they served
the world

with a love, a love
we cherish.

(St. John of the Cross)

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Only I can undertake the journey that brings the soul home